AND JUST LIKE THAT SHE IS 5

London turned 5 in December, and I think I have been in total denial about it. She is growing up so fast and I find myself wanting to hold her so tight in hopes that time will slow down. 

The past five years seem to have flown by in just a blink of an eye. I know everybody says that, but it is so painfully true. I have always told myself to enjoy whatever season of life that I was in, because all too soon that season would be over and I would want it back. And it is so true, I want all the tiny little moments of that last five years back. 

I know all too soon my little five year old will be a growing six year old, and these are the things I want to remember about her right now

One | She loves color, and she loves it in rainbow order. 

Two | Eating is still a struggle most of the time. Her favorite go to choices are noodles, PB&J, fruit, cheesy crackers, noodles, nuts and cherries | potato chips| and strawberry milkshakes.

Three | She is smart, and likes to learn. At school she is on the 100 shelf and is learning how to add and subtract. She is also learning some basic words, and is working so hard to get to the purple shelf where she will get to read actual books.

Four | Anything that is crafty, she is on it. She likes to glue, and cut, and paint, and stamp, and color, and anything else she can get her hands on. New craft supplies get her so excited, and I totally get that.

Five | She wants a baby sister or brother so bad. She tells me about her friends at school who have brothers and sisters, and asks why she doesn't. It's a hard thing to try and explain to a 5 year old, but hopefully one day she will get to be a big sister.

Six | Watching TV is definitely something she does WAY to much of. Even if she is not watching it, she still likes to have it on. Her favorite shows right now are Rugrats, Sophia the first, Curious George, and sometimes Sesame Street. 

Seven | She is all about pretend play, and listening to her have conversations for her toys is probably one of my favorite things to do. 

Eight | She is still such a good sleeper, and it is so rare that she will ever get up at night for anything.

Nine | She hates taking a bath, and will fight me on it every time. But once she actually gets in the bath she doesn't want to get out. Washing all her bath toys with as much shampoo as possible is probably her favorite thing to do during bath time.

Ten | Her favorite person in the whole world is probably her Daddy. She gets so excited when he comes home from work, or has a day off. What is so cute though, is that she never wants me to feel that she loves him any more that she loves me. She will never say your the bestest Daddy without looking over at me to tell me that I am the bestest Mommy. Her Daddy will always be special to her because her Daddy is special. She is a lucky little girl.

I want to remember every little detail about London whole life, but the thing I want her to remember the most is just how loved she is. I know my life would not be as full without her in it. 

CARDIOLOGY CHECK-UP

Today was London's annual cardiology checkup.

The truth is, I hate these appointments. I always have, and I am betting I always will. I know it is at these appointments that I am going to find out just how good or bad London's little heart is doing.

For the last couple of years I have made it a point to have lots of talks with London in the days leading up to her visit. I like to tell her exactly what is going to happen so that she doesn't have to be scared of the unknown. I also like to remind her how important it is to be a good girl and to do exactly what is asked of her. I know that it is hard for a 4 year old to stay still, and this is an appointment that you have to do a lot of sitting still.

What surprised me the most about our pre-appointment talk was that London had a lot of questions for me. I had to remind her several times that this was just a check up, and that nothing scary was going to happen. It was the first year that she seemed genially nervous. It made me realize that she is becoming more aware of why she has a belly full of scars.

As we were getting ready on the morning of her appointment, I asked if she was nervous. She immediately said nope in the most confident of voices. But a little later, as I was braiding her hair, she told me she might be a little nervous. It made my heart a little sad for her. I told her it was ok to be a little nervous, and to keep her mind off of the day we spent the rest of the time talking about what movie she was going to watch when they were taking pictures of her heart. 

When they called us back for her ECHO, I could see all over her face that those nerves hadn't gone away yet. I was pretty grateful that Tony and I got to go back with her, and that she didn't have to be alone. 

When the tech asked what movie she wanted to watch, she immediately looked at me. Having to make that choice in that moment scared her, and I could totally relate to those feelings because I have them too. I had an overwhelming feeling of gratefulness that I was her safe place. After hearing her options, she decided on Inside Out. The tech seemed pretty happy with her choice and admitted that he was happy that he didn't have to watch frozen again.

The ECHO tech was so great, and was really good at explaining everything that he was doing. It didn't take London long to realize that she was in good hands. At one point during her ECHO you could hear her heart beat. I told London what the noise was that she was hearing and you could just see her little brain start to work. She got the biggest smile on her face every time she heard that thump thump thump. 

Next up was her EKG. Definitely not as stressful as her ECHO because it doesn't take as long, but it still required London to sit very still and quiet. It must have been our lucky day, because she did great and it took no time at all. The worst part of the whole day may have been the removal of all those stickers!

For London the hard part was over, but for me it was just beginning. 

Sitting in that room waiting for the cardiologist to come in is probably the worst feeling ever. I know that as we are sitting there keeping our little girl entertained, her doctor is in another room looking over the results of her ECHO and EKG. 

We know what if feels like to get bad news, we've been there. We also know what is feels like to get good news, we've been there too. I was obviously praying that at this doctors visit, we would get the good news.

What I wasn't expecting was great news!!

Dr. G said that London was doing exceptionally well!! And it wasn't a "for her condition" kinda well, it was a for real your little girl is doing pretty darn amazing! 

So for the next 12 months I can breath a little better, and love my girl a little more fully, and soak up everything this life as London's mama has to offer. For the next 12 months I can smile a little bigger because I know that my little girl is going to be ok! It the best news a mama can hear.

What happens in 12 months, we get to go to London's next cardiology appointment and feel all of those scared, overwhelming, anxious, and hopefully happy feelings all over again. But for now we are just going to breath

(journaled September 9th)

Handmade Halloween

I have always wanted to be the mom that made London's Halloween costume each year. I just love how cute, creative, and different handmade costumes are. I usually wait until the last minute to start actually making her outfit each year, which makes the whole process so much more stressful then it needs to be. In the end, when I see how cute my little London looks, all the stress is totally worth it.

So far London has been a ghost, a kitty, and a bee. Ok, so I'll admit the bee is mostly store bought (because that skirt and cute little headband were soooo cheap.) I did however make her wings and her neckless which I think are the perfect little finishing touch.

Picking out what London will be each year is half the fun. By the time September hits I find myself searching Pinterest for the perfect choice. This year when that time came I decided to let London in on the process. She had it narrowed down pretty quickly to Woody from Toy Story and Jake from Jake and the Neverland Pirates. 

In the end she decided on Jake, and I still can't get over how cute she looked.

London was so particular about all the pieces of her costume. It seriously was the cutest thing ever and made me smile so much. My Mom helped with her vest, and by help I mean she sewed the whole dang thing. London was so happy with how everything turned out. I can't hardly wait for next years Halloween to get here.

So on to the next holiday and the next project. This year I am going to be participating in Cathy Zielske's 30 days of Thankful. I plan on doing an album share some time in December. 

Thanks for stopping by!!

Some Days Are Hard

Most days it is easy to forget that London has a heart defect. Some days though, it hits me like a ton of bricks. Today was one of those days.

I will always remember the week that London was born like it was yesterday. I remember feeling almost numb. Everybody was just living life, but my whole world had just come to a screeching stop. That feeling really didn't go away for a good year or so. The hardest part of the whole thing was that that doctors really couldn't tell us what was in store for London's little life. We were definitely in good hands, and her team of doctors had a really good plan, but it was the unknown that kept me up at night.

London is now almost four. The days that were once spent going to cardiology check ups, therapy appointments, and weigh ins with her dietitian are now filled with all kinds of crazy little girl adventures. She runs, and plays just like any other little three year old. In fact, unless you catch a glimpse of her scar, you would never know that anything was ever wrong with her. 

Because she has such a normal little life, it's always a little surprising how anxious I get in the days that lead up to her yearly cardiology appointments. I know that we have so much to be thankful for, and that for the most part London is doing really well. But I also know, it is at these appointments that we will learn if something isn't going quite right. That is why I can't sleep the week before her appointment. That is why I say a million little prayers on the car ride to the hospital, and that is when it hits me that my little girl has a heart defect. 

This part of London's life is hard, and sometimes really scary. No matter how many echo's, EKG's, heart cath's, or lung scan's she gets, it will always take my breath away to look at photos like these. Even now, it just doesn't seem real. But this is part of her story, and I thank God everyday that she is mine. 

For the record, everything came back fine. Her cardiologist is really happy with her progress, and says he will see us again in one year!

London's School Album

A couple of weeks ago, my little girl went to her very first day of pre school. It was a pretty big day for all of us, and one that I will never forget.

I knew that I wanted to document the story of that day, so I made sure to take a lot of pictures of all the sweet little details. London was so excited to go to school, and it was just so fun to see 

For London's school album I decided to use an 8.5x11 We R Memory Keepers album. I also knew I wanted to use pocket pages. They just seemed like natural choices for an album like this

I picked out a favorite photo of London, and enlarged it to use on the left side of my layout. For the right side I took all those little detail shots and slid them into a 9 pocket page protector. 

Most of the products I used came from my Ali Edwards Story kits, and my Felicity Jane kits. I love how the softer colors came together to make a really pretty and girly layout. 

I have seen a lot of people do a back to school "interview" and I really like the idea of that. It will be fun to see how London's answers change from year to year. Plus I thought it would be a great way to fill up the reverse side on the nine pocket page protector. 

I typed up eight questions to ask London. I then cut them into strips and taped them on to plain white card cards. I decided to put a picture in the center pocket, and I really like how the whole page looks.

For the right hand side I wrote down a bunch of things I want to remember from that day on a piece of 5x11 paper. I got the idea for the design of the layout from Ali Edwards. She did a very similar layout for one of her Story Kits themes and I absolutely love the way it turned out. 

The last thing I added to the album is a picture that London painted on her first day of school. I will also be adding a picture of London and her teacher. I just have not taken one yet. 

My plan is to just collect things as London brings them home from school. I don't know if I will add things as I get them, or just update this album at the end of the year. My hope is that I can fit all of her school years into one album, so I know I will have to be a little picky about what actually makes it into the album. We will see how that plan works!

I do a quick album share in the video below, and on my YouTube channel.