Some Days Are Hard

Most days it is easy to forget that London has a heart defect. Some days though, it hits me like a ton of bricks. Today was one of those days.

Banning Lane | Some Days Are Hard

I will always remember the week that London was born like it was yesterday. I remember feeling almost numb. Everybody was just living life, but my whole world had just come to a screeching stop. That feeling really didn't go away for a good year or so. The hardest part of the whole thing was that that doctors really couldn't tell us what was in store for London's little life. We were definitely in good hands, and her team of doctors had a really good plan, but it was the unknown that kept me up at night.

London is now almost four. The days that were once spent going to cardiology check ups, therapy appointments, and weigh ins with her dietitian are now filled with all kinds of crazy little girl adventures. She runs, and plays just like any other little three year old. In fact, unless you catch a glimpse of her scar, you would never know that anything was ever wrong with her. 

Because she has such a normal little life, it's always a little surprising how anxious I get in the days that lead up to her yearly cardiology appointments. I know that we have so much to be thankful for, and that for the most part London is doing really well. But I also know, it is at these appointments that we will learn if something isn't going quite right. That is why I can't sleep the week before her appointment. That is why I say a million little prayers on the car ride to the hospital, and that is when it hits me that my little girl has a heart defect. 

This part of London's life is hard, and sometimes really scary. No matter how many echo's, EKG's, heart cath's, or lung scan's she gets, it will always take my breath away to look at photos like these. Even now, it just doesn't seem real. But this is part of her story, and I thank God everyday that she is mine. 

For the record, everything came back fine. Her cardiologist is really happy with her progress, and says he will see us again in one year!


  1. I have terrible anxiety about doctor's appointments in general - I can't imagine what it must be like for you and these visits. Thankfully she's doing well and I hope that she'll continue to get great reports from now on.

  2. I visited your blog at Tracie Claiborne's recommendation. What a wonderful scrappy place! I had to comment on this post though, as it's very near and dear to my heart. My 12 year old son was diagnosed with a congenital heart defect at 5 years old. While he, too, is a happy and healthy boy, I completely understand your anxiety leading up to those appointments and tests. Every year we await the results, and sit with the fear of what may have developed, and potentially restrict him from certain things he loves. Blessings to you and your family, especially little London.